An Open Letter to My 13 Year Old Son

Well. Here you are.  No longer in your ‘childhood’ years.  You are 13, a TEENAGER.

Let me tell you son, saying that sounds incredibly strange and bittersweet coming out of my mouth.  I pray that one day, you will know what that feels like with your own children.  It’s wonderful and terrifying all at once.

You are nothing that I thought you would be; you are BETTER.  Perfect?  Heck no!  Free of mistakes? Never.  But dude, you are KIND.  You are helpful, thoughtful, empathetic, funny, forgiving, easy going, loving, and so much more.  And when your little sister cries because she doesn’t want you to grow up?  Well, that right there tells you what kind of big brother you are.

These 13 years have been beautiful. You are an absolute blessing to your dad and me.

The next 13…what do they hold for you?  Great and wonderful things! God has BIG plans for you and I cannot wait to see what He has in store.  I also know that you will face many different and difficult situations, circumstances, moments, and events, and our job is to guide you and educate you in the best way we can.  I can’t close you behind closed doors, or keep you from those that I think might be a bad influence, so we are choosing to teach you how to handle and navigate what the world might drop at your feet.

So, here we go.

Here are 25 things that you need to know as you embark on your teenage years.

1. Be a gentleman.  Open doors, say yes ma’am and no ma’am, yes sir and no sir.  Have manners.  Always be kind to a lady and treat her with the upmost of respect.  Always let ladies go first, no matter what.  Respect them and stand up to protect them.
2. Shake a hand strong and sturdy.  When you shake someone’s hand, shake their hand strong and look them square in the eye.  It’s respectful.  I’ve always heard that you can tell a lot by someone’s hand shake.
3. Serve others.  ESPECIALLY when you are feeling a pity party coming on.  If you feel like things aren’t going right in your world, get up, get out, and serve someone else.  It will take that focus right off of you, and fill your heart with what God intended: thinking of others. Always find a way to serve.
4. Be YOURSELF.  Be confident, stand strong, shoulders back, head held high.  Be You.  There is no other you out there, and God needs you to contribute to this world!  Never try to be someone you’re not.  That NEVER goes well.  Don’t hold back, be yourself, and don’t let anyone persuade you to be different than that.
5. Take showers.  And plenty of them.  Need I say more?  It’s important to smell good!
6. Chase a girl who’s chasing Jesus.  Yes, son.  I’m talking about girls.  When looking for a girlfriend, or thinking of one, look at what, or who she’s chasing.  I promise you, if you find one who is chasing Jesus with all of her heart, you will be a-okay in the girl department! And to add…never date someone that you wouldn’t think of marrying.
7. Be a loyal friend.  Teenagers can sometimes say one thing, and do another. Being friends one day and not the next. Be loyal to your buddies.  I can’t promise you that they will be loyal to you, and I can tell you with certainty that some won’t be, but being trustworthy and loyal speaks louder than words.  People notice it, and remember it.  I still remember a friend from High School who was the most loyal of loyals.  I still, to this day, view her as someone I highly respect.  I didn’t realize it until later in my life how incredible it was to be so loyal in your teenage years.
8. Text, Pics, Social Media – Anything you send out, never goes away. EVER! Whenever you send something out via text, or put anything on any social media platform, don’t just wonder if it will be found, but EXPECT it to be found one day.  You will be tempted to send something out that is less than a good idea, but take 5 seconds and think: would I want my teachers, parents, grandparents, or future boss to see this? BE SMART.
9. Choose your friends wisely.  Think about this…people judge you based on the company you keep!  Choose friends that are FOUNTAINS, not drains.  Your friends should lift you up, encourage you, laugh with you, cheer you on, AND tell you when you’re doing something wrong.  Find those friends, and cherish them.
10. Find a role model.  Find that man who is a solid and devout Christian. One that you can look up to and emulate. He might be a senior in high school, a grown man, or a college guy. Find the man who treats women with respect, works hard, and is positive and has an incredible outlook on life.
11. Stick to your word.  Your word is your bond! When you say you’re going to do something, do it.  Which means, be careful what you say! Don’t shy away from commitments, just know that when you say something such as you’re going to help out on a Saturday, do it! Nothing is quite like a man of his word; it is a direct reflection of his character.
12. Don’t be afraid to tell us when you do (or see) something wrong. Like, really.  We are a safe, safe place.  We will correct you, of course, and things will have consequences.  However, don’t hold these things and keep them hidden away.  The enemy loves that and will use it to hurt you in the future, and usually it just manifests into bigger things that will end up hurting more.  Be transparent, open, and honest.  Son, we can work through anything together.
13. Live to please Jesus.  It is so tempting to want to please people.  I know that well! We want people to like us and think we are doing a great job.  BUT, play for an audience of One.  You will only be judged by Him one day, and He is all that matters.  Be faithful, and everything else will fall into place.
14. Work hard.  In everything you do, work hard!  Work hard at school, sports, music…whatever it be.  Work your hardest. Why?  Well, look at #13.  😉
15. Be a great teammate.  You won’t always get the starting position, the lead role, or the main leader in the group, but nevertheless, be a great teammate.  This is a great precursor for your future; colleges and bosses alike love nothing more than someone who works well with others, and with a good attitude.
16. Talk to old people.  I love old people! And when I say old, I mean elderly (not me, silly).  They are FULL of wisdom, stories, and advice to give.  Strike up a conversation when out and about, and listen to their stories.  Not only will it be interesting, it will make their day.
17. Be nice to your sister.  Well, as you know, there’s tons of reasons why on this one.  But one of the biggest is because you are teaching her how a man should talk to and treat her.  Talk respectfully and kindly.  Open doors for her just like you would any other lady.
18. Train for something.  Always be training.  Maybe an adventure race of some sort?  For the sport you are currently in?  Maybe for a bike race?  Or even just a challenge that you have sparked up in yourself.  Why?  Because it will keep you in shape and give you goals to shoot for.  This will prepare you for life beyond high school, into college, and into the business world.
19. Always have an out.  There is absolutely no doubt that you will be in situations that will be less than ideal from what you believe in.  Have a set plan for those moments. Your dad and I will be ready to come at your rescue at any point at any time of the day or night. And you can ALWAYS use us as an excuse. I’ll be the mean mom 100 million times.   Don’t let one quick moment derail you from what you stand for; that can be hard to come back from.  Remember, it’s always easier to build a reputation than to REBUILD one.
20. Put the phone away.  When you start using a phone, it’s fine and dandy to use it when needed.  But, put the phone down and away when at a restaurant, in a group of people, and engage in conversation! It’s polite and respectful.  Other people might not be doing that, but do it anyway.
21. Don’t just be involved in church, BE the church.  Pray daily.  Read the Bible daily.  Stay connected to your church and small group.  And remember that you are NOT too young to be a world changer for the Kingdom! Seek out those opportunities to make a change, and don’t be afraid to be bold about it!
22. Don’t be afraid to fail and make mistakes.  And actually, please do! These are incredible moments to learn, and coming back from them make you stronger.  The earlier you learn from mistakes or failures, the better and more equipped you will be for future opportunities! Be bold, and take risks!
23. Be empathetic. Always, always, always imagine what someone else is feeling.  Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.  There’s so much power in that, and quite frankly, we need more of that in this world.
24. Stand up for others. When you see someone getting mistreated, stand up for them. Don’t stand there and watch wondering whether or not you should get involved. Act. Be an advocate. Stand up for those that are being wronged.
25. Have fun! Laugh, and laugh a lot.  Tell jokes, make funny videos with friends, play some pranks.  Have a blast.  These teenage years can be challenging, but can be so fun too! So, make it that way!  It all lies in our mindset, perspective, and attitude.

I love you my 13 year old, and what an honor it is to be cheering you on watching you grow into the man that you are destined to be!

Love, Mom